One Another Ministry Anonymous Testimony It wasn’t usually left open for all to see you know. It was supposed to be rolled up and out of sight. But this day it was open. This day I was gathered with a group in our church; we were there to pray. And this day a member of the group started reading the chart out loud: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. 4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. As they read I could feel my fear grabbing my insides. This fear just felt so tight inside my chest – I could hardly breath. What did this person know? Why was the chart left open? Why was I afraid? They were just reading what was in front of them!! So!!!??? then why was I afraid? It’s funny how God works. I had been praying that God make my life an open book – free for all to see – nothing to hide. Part of me knew that something was wrong in my life. I could not name the problems. Drinking was my way to deal with life. What else was I supposed to do! With all the problems of work and the way people could be so ignorant and insensitive – I had to do something to ease my frustrations. My pastor at the time gave wonderful sermons on the freedom in Christ and God’s grace and forgiveness. I thought I understood what he was saying but, really, I didn’t have any idea. It took several years before I started to understand what freedom in Christ meant. The day I went to my first A.A. meeting was my first step towards freedom, or should I say, my first step in my active involvement in my journey to freedom. God was very busy working on my journey to freedom. I thank God that He created the A.A. program. It was my “how to” guide to living. Until then, living my life needed alcohol – I didn’t know any other way. Being involved with A.A. showed me how to live free – not just from alcohol but from me and my old ways of coping. So far, my journey with Jesus has shown that I am free to share my pain and hurt, my fears, my dreams, my struggles. I am also free to grow out of my fear, pain, hurt and struggles. I am also free to grow up and pursue a relationship with Jesus. I am free to give. I am free to change. I am free to be responsible for me. This journey isn’t one from point A to point B (oh! but how I wish it were) but one that is both microscopic and the size of the universe. It zips back and forth between the past and present to somehow point to and shape the future. It involves learning and relearning lessons I thought I had learned. It involves gargantuan leaps forward in understanding and painstakingly slow, minute progress. But most of all, it is a journey without fear. Thank-you God!!! |
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